i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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