The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
