How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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