What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
