We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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