I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
