I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
