Do you still have your period?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
