It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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