the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
