My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she told me i tasted like america
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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