Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
