Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
