I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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