Cold hands, warm shart.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
