He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
