best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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