Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
