im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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