I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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