Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
