Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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