I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you inspire me to be a worse person
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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