Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
