the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
