I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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