these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
