Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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