I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
