That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
