I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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