Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
