I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
