Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
