I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
