its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have already put on my inside pants.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
