We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
