As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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