You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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