haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
