I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
