theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize