I'm drive I can fine osifer
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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