At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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