Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
