Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
