I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
