I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
