i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize