I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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