You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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