it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize