Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
