Just fell off a train. Bad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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