remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
