need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
