I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
