If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
