i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
