i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
