my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
