yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
