He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
