There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
