what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When are your genitals available?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
