Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
