just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
