We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
