Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
