Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
