It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
