I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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