last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
