Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
