I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
