Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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